His Pointy Ears are Ringing
by PHXYote
Summary: Funny how the guy who professes no need for sex got so much of it anyway. Nyota is worried that the official history will be more rumour than truth, so she's organized an online meeting where Spock's paramours (who aren't dead or in prison) can talk. Reviews & suggestions welcome.
1. Chapter 1

**His Pointy Ears are Ringing**

**Chapter One**

Christine Chapel shook her head as she spoke to Nyota Uhura. "I still think this is ridiculous, Ny, but if it's important to you, I guess it's important to me."

"Thank you Christine," Nyota said calmly. "Let's get this meeting started." She loaded up the interstellar software program and signed in as host.

Christine snorted. "Meeting! More like a bitch-fest. I mean, _I'm_ over him, what's the problem with the _rest_ of you?"

Nyota sighed. "It's not a question of 'being over' anyone. It's more that, well-I think we could all benefit from some kind of closure."

"I just don't get it."

"There's a lot out there about Spock that I think bothers a lot of women who know him. Maybe stuff we all need to get off our collective chests. It's not about _him_, really, it's about _us_. I don't know about you but I've had it up to here with the gossip. It follows me wherever I go.

"Now they are starting to write psychological histories and I want to know the truth, or as much of it as I can, so that there's some accuracy in the official accounts. I also wanted all of us to just…let it out. Get him out of our systems. Surely _you_ would understand?"

"I. Am. Over. Him. _So_ over him," Christine huffed.

"But…don't you think it would be good to find out why we all fell for him? I mean, we _are_ an amazing group of women."

"So you did fall for him!"

"In a way. Nothing ever really happened although I admit I wondered for a long time if anything could happen. I was curious-"

An electronic blip interrupted them. "T'Pring has joined the meeting," an electronic voice announced.

"It really does sound like you," Nyota commented. Christine rolled her eyes.

A small square popped up on the viewscreen, showing an immaculately groomed and perfectly made-up Vulcan female.

"Greetings, T'Pring," Nyota said, holding up her hand in the Vulcan greeting.

"Greetings, Commander," the Vulcan responded, returning the salute_. She still looks like a knockout, _Nyota thought to herself. She nudged Christine.

"Oh. Greetings, T'Pring." She tried, and failed, to display the Vulcan hand salute.

T'Pring's eyes flickered for a moment. "Christine Chapel."

"That's me."

"T'Pau told me about you."

"Nothing to tell, honey."

"That may be what you believe."

"Ladies," Nyota interrupted. "Let's wait for the rest to join us. And _please_, try to keep it civil."

_What the hell did you expect?_ Christine wondered.

Another ping. "Leila has joined the meeting."

Nyota and Christine looked at each other. "Oh boy," Christine said under her breath.

"Be nice," Nyota muttered back.

"Hello, everyone," Leila Kalomi breathed out as her square appeared.

"Hi, Leila," Nyota and Christine said in unison. T'Pring raised an eyebrow.

"Oh Nyota! And _Christine_ _Chapel_! You two look so lovely!"

"Thank you Leila," Nyota answered. "You look very nice, as always."

Christine remained silent. T'Pring just blinked.

"Leila, this is T'Pring. Spock's former fiancée," Nyota introduced.

"His _what_?"

"This is why Nyota wants us to all talk, to try and own the whole narrative thing," Christine explained. "It seems like there are lots of sides to Spock that none of us know entirely."

Leila lowered her eyes. _She looks sad_, Nyota thought.

Another ping. "Droxine has joined the meeting."

_Oh God_, Christine thought. _That airhead_. She had a strong sense that Nyota, in spite of her efforts to be "civil," was probably thinking the same thing.

A square popped up featuring yet another lovely blonde woman. "Hello," Droxine said tentatively.

"At least she's covering more than just her boobs," Christine muttered. Nyota let a grin slip.

"Hello, Droxine, I'm glad you could join us. I know you travel quite a bit."

Droxine nodded. "I don't believe I have met any of you in person."

"We will introduce ourselves," Nyota reassured her. "A lot of you don't know each other, although I suspect we've heard of one another," she added, her voice trailing off slightly. Maybe Christine was right. Maybe all this was too awkward.

Another ping. "Alice 5000 has joined the conference." A final square popped up. "She looks exactly the same!" Nyota whispered loudly. Christine looked at her. "Ny, she _is_ an android."

"Good afternoon," the android said pleasantly."

"Uh, hi, Alice," Nyota answered. "I trust you were able to complete the research we talked about?"

"Of course," Alice answered. "Two of my doctorates are in the history field, one with a subspecialty in extinct civilizations."

"Very good," Nyota said. She took a deep breath. "Let's all introduce ourselves. I am Nyota Uhura. I served with Spock on several missions as a bridge officer, including the initial five-year Enterprise mission. I can tell you, I have absolutely no romantic history with him, but we did kinda flirt."

_Kinda?_ Christine almost said out loud. She took a deep breath. "Hello. I am Dr. Christine Chapel. I served with Spock on a few missions, including the first Enterprise one Nyota mentioned. I admit, I had a crush on him for a while and he came on to me once but it turned out it was pon farr and not real. But I am over him. Totally-"

"T'Pring, would you go next?" Nyota interrupted her.

"I am T'Pring. Spock and I were once intended to be bonded but I chose another."

Nyota and Christine looked at each other. "OK, thank you T'Pring. Um, oh, Leila, could you introduce yourself?"

"Hi everyone, I'm Leila Kalomi…I'm a botanist…Spock and I sort of had a thing going a couple of times, it was..complicated…" Her voice caught. Tears threatened to fill her blue eyes.

After a few awkward moments, Droxine cleared her throat. "I am Droxine. I was still a teenager when I met Spock, when the Enterprise visited my birth planet. We talked a lot, about a lot of things."

_More than talked, or so I heard_, Nyota thought to herself. Jim told her about how Spock flirted with the teenager during their visit in the city in the clouds.

"That leaves me, Alice 5000. Commander Uhura commissioned me to conduct research on Zarabeth, a woman who expired during the Ice Age of the extinct planet Sarpeidon. She and Spock met when he went back in time." She paused. "One of my predecessors met Spock on Harry Mudd's planet. He made her head explode."

"Really?" Droxine asked. "I'd love to hear more about _that_."

"I don't believe Spock would do such a thing!" Leila cried out.

"Thank you, everyone," Nyota hurriedly interjected. "Let's get started. Who would like to speak first?"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: **Bad, Bad Girls**

"Wait a minute," Christine said. "Not everyone is here, Nyota."

"What do you mean?" Nyota was a little annoyed.

"What about Spock's Romulan commander?"

"A Romulan commander? You can't mean Spock… batted for both sides of the team?" Leila asked anxiously.

"Good question," Christine said. "But where _is_ Commander what's-her-name?"

"Exactly," Nyota said, irritated. "I don't know her name!"

"Oh come on," Christine said. "You of all people can't find her? And you have this robot working for you!"

"I am an android," Alice 5000 piped up. "I am not a robot. Robots do not have the humanoid features or advanced capabilities I possess."

"Spock made love to a Romulan?" T'Pring was truly surprised. "He barely looked at me and I am far more attractive than any Romulan or Human."

"Excuse me?" Christine huffed.

Droxine struggled to not laugh. _Terran and Vulcan women are such bitches_, she thought. This meeting could be more fun than she'd expected. She'd almost decided to ditch it because her life had lately become very busy.

Just a month earlier, she and her husband were informed they were approved to adopt twin three-year-old Troglytes-a boy and a girl-who had been orphaned. The children were presently napping. She planned to take them to the pool later to try out new toys her husband had picked up for them. Both children suffered developmental delays, possibly the effects of institutional care where personal attention was limited. Their counselor suggested swimming as an easy way to get them to move limbs that were somewhat stunted.

Christine glared into the screen. "You Vulcan women," she hissed to T'Pring. "You are so full of yourselves. You _ruined_ Spock. You thought you were just so perfect and above him and were so ready to sacrifice him so that you could run off with your Vulcan ape-man with the bad haircut—"

"Hey, hey!" Nyota cut in.

"It is a fact," T'Pring said, well, matter-of-factly. "Vulcan women are the most attractive in the galaxy."

"Yeah, you're so desirable your men only do it every seven years," Christine snarled.

Leila opened her mouth to say something but was cut off by Droxine.

"Actually, that's not true. I asked Spock about the seven-year cycle, and he said it can be disrupted." _Particularly when disrupted by beauty_, she remembered he practically purred to her.

"That is a topic not to be discussed by others. It was most illogical of Spock to indulge you thus," T'Pring stated. _However I cannot say this behavior is surprising given his behavior with that nurse. _T'Pau had not been kind to her and let her see exactly how Spock had attempted to make a move on Chapel.

"You talked to Spock about this?" Nyota was amazed.

"I know, asking a Vulcan about sex, huh? But I was really still a kid, and I had never met a Vulcan. I was told they were as advanced as we Ardanians. My father told me nothing can offend a Vulcan so I figured he wouldn't get mad at me or anything."

"Wow. You were some kid."

"So I hear."

"I'm going now," Christine said. "I've had enough talk of Vulcans for a year. Maybe a decade!"

"No! Christine, please," Nyota begged. "We all need to talk to each other. But please, everyone, let's try to be civil. T'Pring, it is illogical, isn't it, to say all Vulcan women are more attractive than any other species? And come on, let's not insult one another's spouses or partners. That's unprofessional.

"Maybe we should explain the situation with the Romulan commander. Christine, you were in on the whole thing, weren't you?"

"I only found out because I had to help McCoy perform plastic surgery on the Captain, to make him look like a Romulan. I knew he'd left Spock on a Romulan ship. I figured they were up to something there, but I'd never imagined Spock would be playing the part of the great lover to steal a cloaking device!

"By the way, T'Pring, that Romulan babe was _so_ not like you. She was _on fire_!"

"All we saw was Spock getting beamed directly to the bridge, with this chick clinging to him," Nyota added. "I think Spock was making the moves to distract her so the Captain could take the device. She must have realized what was really going on because when Spock got beamed back to the bridge, there she was, hanging on to him. Wearing a _really_ cute cocktail dress, too."

"Off the shoulder," Christine agreed. "I got a similar one at the next Starbase we visited. I would have loved to have known who designed hers."

"It is illogical to deceive," T'Pring stated.

Christine and Nyota were momentarily speechless.

"Now isn't that calling the kettle black!" Nyota exclaimed.

"Kettle?" Droxine asked. She looked it up the word on her Universal translator. "Ah. A _catinus_."

"T'Pring, I think you've got some 'splainin' to do," Christine said. "I don't know if you realize how much trouble you caused. You put our Captain-and Spock-in a terrible position. Both of them could have died. All for what, a _dude_?"

"I already explained myself on Mt. Selena," T'Pring replied. "However, I am willing to go over this again if it my reasoning was unclear to you Humans. As I recall, Spock thought I showed impeccable logic."

"You are a very dangerous woman."

"You are both illogical and if I may, truly dangerous. I heard about how you allowed your so-called fiance to torture Captain Kirk on Exo III. You just stood there and watched."

"I was frightened and scared! I didn't know what was going on! And when I figured it out, I...I..."

"You destroyed him. Myself, I did not want to risk losing Stonn. He did not have the kind of training in violent methods Spock had received from Starfleet. He would have certainly been killed in combat."

"Spock was in pon farr! He could barely walk straight!"

T'Prong hissed. "I have already said that is a private topic not to be spoken of by offworlders!"

"It appears," Alice 5000 stated after a long moment of silence, "that Mr. Spock has, or perhaps had, a thing for _bad girls_."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"I would speak now," T'Pring more or less commanded.

Nyota nodded. "Please, perhaps you should start since you are…were…Spock's first girlfr—"

"Hardly," T'Pring cut her off.

"Weren't you bonded to him as a child?" Nyota asked.

"Yes. But neither of us had any say in it."

"So…you just never saw each other again?" Christine asked.

T'Pring let a glare slip through her carefully fixed façade. "No. I did not say that. What we had was more than a simple Human boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. We had a bond, of our minds, that was supposed to develop as we grew into adulthood.

"But Spock decided to leave our home, for Terra, to attend Starfleet. And that was that."

"You mean," Nyota asked, "he just left? No good-bye? No discussion of your future?"

"Oh there was a discussion of sorts. In which I was expected to wait for him and his need for me. He did not ask for my opinion on Starfleet. He did not ask if I thought if it was a logical move for him. He just told me what he was doing and left."

"Did he ask you to go with him?" Leila couldn't help herself.

"He said perhaps I join him at a later time _if it was logical to do so_."

"Ouch!" Christine, Leila, and Nyota all said at once. Droxine's eyes widened.

"He did not consider the needs of our bond, of how it would affect me for him to be off-planet at a time when we were both maturing. When we would need to be together, to support one another."

"Did he…understand this?" Droxine asked tentatively.

"I do not know."

"Did you explain this to him?"

"It should not have been necessary. We do not speak of a need, we just know when it is there. And he chose to ignore when I was in need. Of course, the logical explanation is that as one who is not fully V'tosh, (1) he may simply have been unaware."

"So it may not have been entirely Spock's fault that you were left on your own in your…time of need," Nyota said tentatively.

"Possibly," T'Pring answered, "but I was all too aware that his mind wandered. Just like a Human."

Nyota and Christine looked at each other a little guiltily.

"Pardon?" Droxine asked.

Leila sighed. "I turned his head. I know I did. Spock has a thing for blondes."

T'Pring's eyes narrowed. "Not just you. Also her—Chapel. I saw both of you in his mind."

"Christine?" Leila was astounded. "_You_?"

"What, Leila, do you think you're the only woman Spock ever encountered?"

"I just—I didn't think—oh, I can't say this right. I thought Spock truly loved me and me only."

"Um, T'Pring?" Nyota asked tentatively.

"Yes?"

"Did you ever, uh, see me in his mind?"

"No."

"Really?" Nyota was surprised to find herself feeling a little let down.

"Not in the lustful sense he regarded Chapel and Salami."

"Kalomi," Leila huffed out.

"And Droxine-oh, he met her after your…divorce or whatever you call it," Christine said. "Because she's also blonde."

"Correct. I am unaware of Droxine."

"Christine…if I had known you and Spock were together, I swear I would not have allowed us to be together," Leila started.

"Oh can it, Salami. You drugged the guy. He came to me on his own."

"When he should have been coming to me," T'Pring added. "But I had moved on by then. If he had paid our bond any attention he would have understood."

"And would he and I?" Christine wondered out loud."

"Possibly. By then he was too confused to understand what had happened to our bond."

"You ended it?" Droxine asked.

"Negative. I allowed it to atrophy. It sent him mixed signals."

"That's rather…cruel."

T'Pring snorted. "Please. He left me all alone, never called after that first year, never wrote, nothing. Never came home—"

"But that's because his father wasn't speaking to him!" Nyota cried out.

"He has numerous other relatives who would have been pleased to host him. Not to mention, my own family. Face it, ladies, _he_ dumped _me_, to use Standard vernacular. But he forced _me_ to make it official."

"But he still went back for you!" Nyota pointed out. "And you told him you preferred Stonn and would have him no matter what."

"Correct. And even Spock admitted my logic was sound."

"But why did you pick the Captain to fight him when you knew off-worlders didn't understand the Vulcan way to break a bond."

"That was no concern of mine. It is illogical to bring friends to an event without explaining what is expected, or may be expected, of them. My duty was to Stonn. Spock had been trained by Starfleet in fighting techniques Stonn knew nothing of. My concern was to protect Stonn."

"I thought the Captain was dead when he came back to the ship," Christine mused. "You should have seen Spock's face when he realized he wasn't after all. It was _priceless_."

Nyota sighed. "So Spock's flirtations were enough for you to just decide to end it with a fight to the death?"

"Spock made each and every choice to disregard our bond. To V'tosh, there is no such thing as flirtation. To V'tosh, this is disreputable behaviour. I had no choice but to protect myself and he who desired me."

"How much did you see?" Leila inquired.

"Enough to know you succeeded in gaining his attention a second time."

"So there was a first time," Nyota noted. "I was never sure of that."

"There was indeed. Spock indulged himself," T'Pring confirmed.

Leila blinked back tears. "Is that all it was?"

"Correct, or as far as I could tell. By then, our bond was quite weak. I did not sense the kind of attachment between your two that should have been between him and myself."

Christine sighed. "There was really nothing between us, T'Pring."

"On the contrary. You told him you loved him."

"Oh for goodness sake, I was under the influence of a virus that stripped nearly everyone on the ship of their self-control. It was like hedonism took over some of the crew."

"But you felt it at that moment and so did he."

"He ran away from me, T'Pring."

"And on that Platonian planet—"

"Oh for god's sake, he was forced to kiss me. I even told him I wanted to crawl into a hole to get away."

"But you were attracted to him."

"One way, sister, one way."

"I think not. Regardless, I had enough by then and decided I would move on with my life."

"And Spock be damned?" Droxine asked.

"Yes. Because he had already damaged me and our bond."

* * *

(1) Vulcan


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Bad, Bad Boy**

T'Pring was shaken by her illogical emotional outburst. She closed her eyes and willed herself into a calmer state.

"Well," Christine said after a minute or so of silence, "he's a guy after all. More human than I'd have thought."

"Actually," Leila said, "I think T'Pring was experiencing Spock's early adolescent jitters."

"And what makes you such an expert?" Christine didn't mean it to sound so bitchy. "I mean," she said, trying to soften her words, "it's not like you had much insight about what goes on inside his head." _That magnificent mind_, she thought to herself.

"I was with Spock twice," Leila answered. "First time on Earth, and then six years later, on the Omicron colony."

"Was he so different the second time? Before you infected him with those spores, I mean," Nyota asked.

"It's hard to say," Leila frowned. It had been a puzzle. When they first met on Earth, in 2261, they quickly became lovers. Spock had been quite enthusiastic; however, outside the bedroom—and the shower, living room, the tent after they'd first bumped into each other camping, the nearby lake—he was greatly subdued. She thought he seemed almost ashamed for—for what, letting himself go? Letting himself have a perfectly normal and as far as she was concerned, enjoyable physical relationship?

She knew she was gorgeous. She was well aware of the effect she had on men and more than a few women, and even a couple of Andorians. A Vulcan, though, was an entirely new experience for her.

She'd asked him what was wrong and he denied that anything was "wrong." "This is how I am," he explained. She accepted the explanation—what else could she do?—but she was still bothered by his complete hands-off attitude in public.

Then he'd left, without saying goodbye. No note. At least T'Pring had been notified of his departure.

These thoughts flared through her head as she considered Nyota's question. "On Earth, he always a little unsure of how to act with me except when we were...intimate. But on the outside, he barely looked at me. Sometimes I would _catch_ him looking at me and he'd look away. You wouldn't have known we were together. At first I thought, maybe he's just using me but when we were alone, he was so…intense, so genuine. And when he left, I just figured he wasn't ready for a relationship. Being Vulcan at all, I did wonder if there had ever been anyone else."

"None of these doubts came up in conversation?" Christine asked. _Did they even talk?_ she wondered

"No. I guess I wasn't as bold as Droxine. So I tried to forget him and I thought I did and then there he was, on the colony. Acting like we'd never met." _Like he'd never nibbled me all over._ "But for me, it was like I had another chance. The spores didn't exactly help me think clearly, either. Remember, I was also under their influence.

"But once he breathed them in, well, he was completely unlike the way he was on Earth!"

"How so?" Droxine asked.

"I couldn't believe what he was doing! At first all he wanted to do was make out, which was fine, and then he discovered he could climb the trees. And up he went-climbing and swinging from branches, laughing like a little kid! I tell you, it was _weird_! I remember looking up at him and wondering if he was regressing into childhood or something!"

"Vulcan children do not swing from trees," T'Pring put in.

"Do they climb them?"

"Of course—to set up experiments, test agility, and learn how to scan the horizon for danger. It is part of the khas-wan training." (1)

"Spock—climbed a tree and swung from it?" Nyota was stunned. She tried to picture it, Spock swinging like a monkey and giggling like a ten-year-old. She couldn't do it.

"Yeah, he did. And it wasn't until I started getting really pissed off that he came back down to me."

"And?" Christine asked.

Leila blushed. "I don't like to kiss and tell."

"Ah. Well, adolescents, especially boys, are notoriously easy to distract," Christine noted, thinking of her own children. She momentarily imagined a picture of her own son swinging around a partially clad Leila-like figure, shuddered, and shut it out.

"But then he was so sweet, refusing to answer his communicator…"

"…and disobeying his Captain," T'Pring finished. "Most illogical behaviour although it does seem that those spores were quite powerful to overwhelm him so."

"Oh. Right. You saw us," Leila blushed again.

"And Chapel as well. You both loved him."

Leila sighed. Christine shook her head. "I barely knew him when I made that statement, T'Pring. It was that damn virus. Most of the time I was absorbed with trying to find my fiancé."

"Perhaps, but he certainly was affected by you. More so than he was by Leila."

"You mean he did not love me?" Leila sniffed.

"That is a human emotion. I do not know if he is capable of it. Vulcans are capable of deep attachments but emotions have historically been dangerous for our peoples. It was not until Surak's teachings became well-known that—"

"We know, we know," Christine, Nyota, and Droxine all said together.

"Very well. If you ask me if Spock loved someone, the answer is I do not know. But I do know he admired Christine a great deal and had to work quite hard to control his emotions around her."

"Is that why he said those strange things to me?"

"What strange things?" Nyota and Leila asked simultaneously.

"Something about it would be illogical to deny our true natures."

"Correct," T'Pring confirmed. "I believe that if you had not told him the Enterprise was en route to Ah'rak, (2) he would have asked you to bond and mate with him. Or forced you."

Christine sat back, stunned. "You ok, girl?" Nyota whispered.

* * *

(1) Vulcan coming-of-age ritual for pre-teens involving wilderness survival techniques.

(2) Actual name of the Vulcan plant


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: TMI**

Christine looked back at Nyota. "Talk about dodging a bullet!"

"What? What are you talking about?"

"I could have been stuck with a fucking _kid_! My god, I could have been charged with a serious crime—defiling an adolescent Vulcan!" She laughed, a little shakily. "All that time…I looked up to him, thought about being with him, hoped for something to happen…and it wasn't that he was being Vulcan, he was still an _adolescent_!"

"Oh my god," Leila said slowly. "Could I have been arrested if I went to Vulcan?"

"Unlikely," T'Pring said. "The age of consent is 25. Although most Vulcans do not engage in sexual congress until they are more mature."

"And when is that?" Droxine asked.

"Approximately 32.5 years. Sometimes later, in their 40s. And some start younger, in their 20s."

"Well that explains a lot," Droxine let that thought slip. Realizing that she'd actually spoken out loud, she felt oddly compelled to explain. "I mean, my _father_ encouraged me to hang out with Spock. It didn't seem weird at the time, but afterward I did wonder…who lets their teenage daughter spend hours alone with a guy in his 30s?"

"Eeeuww…" the other women agreed.

"But my father knew I was with someone who was, emotionally, was more my age. Or even younger. I was never in any kind of danger."

_Good thing you weren't with Chekov_, Christine thought. _Good thing you weren't with Charlie X_," Nyota thought.

"And I was so comfortable with him, it was almost like hanging out with a friend my own age…a platonic one."

"Really?" Christine asked.

"Well, yes. I mean he said some really sweet things to me but no alarm bells went off."

Christine shook her head. "But he had gone through a pon farr… I don't understand."

"It must not have been a complete one," T'Pring mused. "If he didn't return to Christine, the fighting must have satisfied his physical urges. He had no bond with anyone who would have sustained a sexual drive."

"Either way, I can't help feeling I was saved from _a lot_ of trouble," Christine declared.

"Me, too" T'Pring agreed.

"Or perhaps the fighting turned him off," Nyota suggested. "Vulcans are supposed to be so peaceful and all. And he did let you go, T'Pring."

"I assumed that was his Human side at work," T'Pring huffed.

"Perhaps it was," Droxine offered. "He really had no map to follow or expectations of himself. He knew what Humans do, what Vulcans do, but not what _he_ should do. So he did what felt right. Which, frankly, was a logical path for him."

"That's actually pretty insightful," Christine commented. "We saw the professional Spock almost exclusively. In his comfort zone. When we were on Platonius, he was a _wreck_, apologizing over and over, for something that wasn't his fault. And earlier, when I had that awful virus, he apologized then, too.

"Any social event, anything outside work, put him outside his comfort zone and you could see him stiffen. His body language would change, he'd cross his arms, or stare at his tricorder to avoid looking at anyone who wasn't Kirk or McCoy."

"Not with me," Nyota reminded her, smiling sweetly.

"You got me there, Ny. Perhaps you just knew how to put him at ease. Geez, he even smiled at you at least _once_."

"He only smiled at me after the spores," Leila said sorrowfully. _But he did wipe away my tears, and maybe there was a small smile just then?_

Christine suddenly remembered there was another, very quiet, participant in their interstellar chat. "Hey, robot. Tell us about the cave chick."

Andrea blinked out of sleep mode. "Are you addressing me?"

"Uh, yes. Yes, I am."

"I am not a robot. I am an android, with advanced functionalities and capabilities. 'Robot' is a pejorative term. Please do not address me that way."

Nyota and Droxine burst out laughing.

T'Pring shook her head. "Only Humans would create an android with emotional sensitivities."

"OK, my apologies Andrea Android. I'd like to hear about the cave woman in the Ice Age."

"'Andrea' is sufficient. You speak of the female Zarabeth of Sarpeidon."

"Right."

"Zarabeth was exiled to Sarpeidon's Ice Age by the dictator Zor Kahn the Tyrant in retaliation for two family members who made an unsuccessful attempt to assassinate him."

"Illogical," T'Pring murmured. _And tragic_, she thought to herself.

"On Stardate 5493.7, Commander Spock and Dr. Leonard McCoy attempted to follow Captain James T. Kirk through a time portal on the Sarpeidon planet through which he had leapt. Instead of joining the Captain, however, they found themselves in a wilderness of Arctic characteristics."

"Of what?" Christine asked. "I thought they went into some kind of Ice Age. Len said it was really cold."

"I think that's what she's saying," Nyota responded. "Please continue, Andrea."

"Spock and McCoy did, in fact, find themselves 5,000 years prior to their entry through the portal into Sarpeidon's Ice Age. The female Zarabeth discovered them just before they would have likely suffered severe hypothermia. In fact, the doctor did experience some effects but was soon restored in the cave where Zarabeth had made a habitat.

"Whilst McCoy recuperated, Commander Spock began regressing, as the doctor later discovered, into a pre-Reform Vulcan. He and Zarabeth ate a meal consisting of meat. They exchanged information informing one another of their mutual sexual attraction. He picked her up into his arms and they exchanged numerous open-mouthed kisses. He carried her to a sleeping area and once she was laid prostrate before him, he commenced to remove her animal skin bikini. She subsequently removed his garments, with some difficulty as they were unusually tight that day due to his ingesting meat, which I conclude gave him some bloating and gas, and the fact that he was proably quite erect by that time—"

"OK, we really don't need to hear more—"

"Whoa there, let's allow the dead some privacy—"

"Thank you, Andrea, we don't need quite so much detail—"

Andrea stopped, confused. She had been asked to gather information about Spock and Zarabeth and had done so. "You do not wish to hear more?" she asked.

"Human females think about sex nearly as often as males, but they do not like to hear about others' sexual escapades, a key difference between the genders," T'Pring explained. "I theorize that these females both wish to protect Zarabeth's privacy and honor her memory. Discussing private matters would violate this."

"Vulcan females are not bothered by such talk?"

"Vulcan females discuss sexual topics at appropriate times for the educational benefit of one another and younger persons, without mention of specific persons. Your presentation was both illogical and embarrassing for these women."

"But you are not embarrassed."

"Embarrassment is an unfortunate Human emotion that is the cause of many misunderstandings, as Dr. Chapel can attest."

"Droxine was silent. Is she not embarrassed?"

"Ardanians are not as easily embarrassed as Humans," Droxine spoke up for herself before T'Pring could assume knowledge of her culture. "But I agree with T'Pring's theory that Human females do not engage in the sharing of sexual details as often as their male counterparts may have at a younger age. Most Humans generally become more…circumspect as they age.

"To answer your question, I am not embarrassed. But I agree it would be illogical to air details Zarabeth may have considered private. For that reason, I requested you stop your narrative."

"I see," Andrea said. "Perhaps the group should pose questions to me, rather than have me deliver the report I prepared."

Christine looked at Nyota. "Did we almost violate interstellar pornography laws?"


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 - Hacked!**

Nyota cleared her throat. "Well, Andrea, I do have a question about Zarabeth and Spock, one that has bothered me for some time. Do you know if they used any…protection?"

"I do not understand."

"Birth control," Christine put in helpfully. "There have been rumours that a Spock Jr. exists. Or rather, existed. I've heard there may be more than one. And I'm pretty sure he never came to Sick Bay to get condoms. Unless Kirk was getting some for him, too." _Lot of good they did him_, she thought.

"I do not think Zarabeth had access to contraceptives," Andrea said. "In any case, the need was not expected to arise since she was exiled into a solitary state. Considering the limited opportunity and time to engage in coitus with Spock, it is unlikely that Zarabeth became pregnant."

_Arise_, Droxine thought, grinning to herself. _Hee, hee. God I'm so immature at times!_

"But hardly impossible," Christine mused. "If they did it enough times…you do hear those rumours that Vulcans last longer and stay stronger!"

"I could tell you how often they had sexual relations," Andrea offered.

No one answered.

"It seems no one wishes to know."

Before anyone could respond, the screens went blank. The audio, however, continued to function.

"What's going on?" "Hey my screen stopped working!" "Great, just as this was getting interesting."

A flicker, and the face of a Romulan female appeared.

"We've been hacked!" Nyota cried.

"Greetings, ladies," the Romulan said. "I understand this is the meeting about Commander Spock."

"It's _you_!" Nyota gasped. "_The Romulan Commander!"_

"You mean Captain."

"Oh…I guess congratulations are in order?"

"You are 3.78 years late but I accept."

There was a long pause as Nyota attempted, and failed, to take back control of the software. "Why did you hack in?"

"You did not respond to my requests to participate. I had no other choice."

"I…I didn't even know your name to send you an invitation. And I didn't receive any request from you."

"Perhaps her messages got caught in the spam filters. I do not believe you have the security clearance to receive messages from Romulus and its satellites," Andrea offered. Nyota bristled internally. _Shut up, robot_, she thought.

"Be quiet, Robot," Christine said. "Captain, I can tell you your name is classified. So if it gets out that we're speaking to you, we're all going to get called in for a little chat with our planets' respective security services."

"Hmm. Illogical, as the Vulcans would say. We are, after all, only defending the Empire's boundaries, which our Vulcan cousins seem to have trouble remembering. Either way, I will accept your apology for the oversight and am pleased to meet your little Federation clique."

"This is not a clique," T'Pring broke in. "I do not consider these females my friends. I have never even seen them before in person."

"Who said that?" the Romulan asked. "I cannot see anyone. Give me a moment to adjust the program." A minute or so later, all the faces reappeared.

"A _Vulcan_?" the Romulan captain didn't try to hide her surprise when she spotted T'Pring. "Humans I can understand—they're so innocent and _curious_—but a Vulcan? Spock is full of surprises, isn't he?"

"Spock and I were bonded for several years," T'Pring explained. "I chose to challenge our bond and won."

"Uh, that's not exactly how it worked out, sweetie," Christine snapped.

"I am not a confectionary and your comment is irrelevant. I still achieved my end goal."

"Nice," the Romulan said. "But when I was with Spock, he made it clear that he didn't like Vulcan females. It was _Romulans_ whom he found _captivating_."

"Not Human women?" Leila sniffled.

"Oh please. Well, except for the nurse over there, who, frankly, he thought was strange."

"_Doctor_ now, _Captain_," Christine said. "And, uh, _strange_? All I did was like the guy for a while and then got on with my life."

"Perhaps 'strange' is not the proper word. A moment." The Romulan consulted an instrument Nyota thought looked familiar…was it…could it be-?

"How did you get a Universal Translator?" she asked, bewildered.

The Romulan sighed loudly. "Do you really want the details?" Hearing no answer, she went back to her work. "OK, maybe 'unconventional' is a better translation. He found Christine to be somewhat _intriguing_. He did not know what to do about this."

"I told you," T'Pring said.

"With me, though, it was different, the Romulan continued. "We are essentially the same race, but with emotions Vulcans recognize and feel they must suppress. And, I believe, they vicariously enjoy these emotions through sex with less controlled persons."

"Did you ever see him again?" Christine asked.

"No, but I would have liked to. He was quite interesting for a Vulcan. We could have accomplished much together. So where were you in this little web call when I bounced in?"

"I had offered details on Spock's encounter with a Sarpeidon," Andrea answered.

"A Sarpeidon? Guess he high-tailed it off _that_ planet just in time. Given his emotional needs, I am surprised he did not take her with him."

"He was unable to. It would have killed her. The Sarpeidon knew her exile would end in a particularly painful death if she attempted to exit her timeframe."

"Huh. That sucks. What was it about her that got Spock's attention?"

"They met in a past time period. She was a female and he had regressed to a pre-Reform Vulcan-"

"Sort of like _you_," Leila spat.

"Who the fuck are you?"

"A fling," Christine hastily explained. "Ignore her."

"Well, honey, you could say I was a fling, too. Guess you also fell for him," the Romulan said. "What was he trying to get from you? I had a cloaking device he was willing to prostitute himself to get."

Leila didn't answer. "She, uh, had already met and fallen in love with him," Nyota tried to explain, "and they bumped into each other on a new colony where she was living. There were these plant spores that infected the landing party and made them into free love types, if you get my drift."

The Romulan laughed. "I would have killed to have seen that! Can't blame you, honey," she said to Leila. "He's a hot one. Or was back then. Don't know how he is now."

"Last I saw him, he looked kind of weathered," Nyota offered. "In a good way. And he was a lot more mellow than I'd expected. He was visiting a lot of friends on different planets and hoped to settle on one centrally located for exploration, past…past..."

A realization struck her and she stopped speaking mid-sentence. Christine turned to look at her. "Past where, Ny?"

"Past Merak II."

Both women fell silent.

"What's important about Merak II?" Leila asked.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

"What's going on?" Leila asked. "What's the big deal about Merak II?"

Nyota and Christine looked at each other but remained silent.

"Merak II is an inhabited planet in the Merak system. It is a Federation member. The Enterprise visited Merak II to deliver emergency supplies from Ardana in 2269," Alice 5000 recited.

"Ardana," Nyota said slowly. "Droxine?"

Droxine felt like rolling her eyes. She preferred to keep her life private, but she knew when she was busted.

"Yes," she answered Nyota.

"Yes?" Leila asked. "Yes _what_?"

"She means," Christine said, "there was a reason Spock was planning to be in the Merak System, that had maybe more to do with exploration."

"Droxine!" Nyota said. "Why the big secret? When did all this happen?"

"Over time," Droxine finally answered. "We kept in touch over the years, and when his schedule allowed, we visited."

"What? I'm confused," Leila said.

"Spock and I have been together for ten years," Droxine continued. "When we decided to start a family, it was logical to make our association a formal one."

"But why the secrecy?" Nyota asked. "When did you get married?"

"They're _married_?" Leila exclaimed.

"It isn't exactly a secret," Droxine said. "More like, we had already decided it was better to be together then apart. It was a small wedding, just family and a few friends."

"You didn't even invite Kirk?" Christine asked.

"He was there. So was Scotty."

"I have to say," Nyota began, "I'm a little surprised I wasn't included in this."

"Please don't be," Droxine said. "It was spur-of-the-moment."

"How so?" Christine asked. _Was she pregnant_? she wondered.

"We were on a small exploratory ship, me, Spock, and Scotty, when we got a message that our application for adoption had finally been processed. We had waited like a _year_ for this. We kind of knew that being married meant a lot to the Trogylte adoption authorities—"

"Wait. You were adopting kids?" Christine asked.

"Yes. We have twins, a little boy and girl."

"Are you planning any of your own?" Andrea 5000 asked.

"Andrea, that's not a polite question," Nyota cut in.

"Right now we have our hands full with these toddlers," Droxine said, grinning.

"So…what about the wedding?" Christine asked.

"Oh, right…well, we found out that our application was going through the system and Spock called Kirk to tell him the news. And Kirk said, hey, I'm not too far away, do you want me to marry you guys? So we thought, yeah, why not, and Scotty did some work on the engines and we met up like two days later, boarded Kirk's ship—it wasn't the _Enterprise_, it was a test flight for the _Ilan Ramon_—and we were married there, by the ship's captain. Kirk," she added.

She turned her head from the camera. "I think they're waking up from their nap."

"What are their names? When was the wedding? I have so many questions to ask!" Nyota almost shouted. _How could Spock not tell us!_

"James Plasus and Vanna T'Pau. 9.5 Ardanian months ago. I have to go now!" Droxine said quickly, jumped up, and ran from the room.

The rest of the women sat there, stunned.

"It seems a logical choice," T'Pring offered. "Emotionally they are quite well-matched."

"I still can't believe…and Jim said nothing! I wonder if Leonard knows?" Christine sputtered. "How can it be that—"

"Spock where are their swimsuits?" Droxine could be heard hollering over her commlink. The women fell silent.

"They are where you left them," a familiar voice replied calmly.

"Very funny. Can you bring them in—they're in my office, in a bag next to the desk."

And there he was—Spock, wearing longish, surf-style swimming trunks and a tank top featuring a cartoon of a large sehlat with two sehlat pups piled upon its back. The caption under it read _Sa-Mekh Sehlat_. Unaware that the camera was still on, the women watched as he picked up a bag and pulled out two small swimsuits. He examined the tags. "I do not believe James will wear this," he called out. "This outfit is too large for him and he will no doubt pull it off at the first opportunity. And I thought we agreed to not dress Vanna in pink." He walked out of the room, leaving the camera on. "Where is the sunscreen?" they heard him ask.

"It's where you left it," they heard Droxine's faint reply.

"Well I'll be. Spock's a daddy," the Romulan Commander said.

"Maybe we can see the children," Leila said.

"No," Nyota decided. "Droxine meant to turn off that camera. Watching anything more would be…spying."

"As if you aren't tempted," Christine teased.

Nyota smiled. "Ladies, thank you for attending. I think we got the answers we wanted and more. I wish you a pleasant afternoon!"

finis.


End file.
